Our Amazon best-selling book Good Pictures Bad Pictures: Porn-Proofing Today's Young Kids makes it easy! One great way to get started talking to kids is to read a book together. That is why we want to talk about it right away if our child looks at pornography. Leaning into the discomfort to establish boundaries for our kids will pay off! Kids need a parent to help unravel those harmful images and explain why they are unrealistic, disrespectful and manipulative. I, too, have had huge knots in my stomach that tell me it would just feel better to move on to an easier topic. I know it’s difficult to have hard conversations with kids. Other parents are overcome with fear because they don’t know what to say or how their kids will react. (Unfortunately, pornography has become so violent and degrading that kids can learn very disturbing and harmful lessons about sex online.) Some parents feel that pornography is a normal part of growing up and learning about sexuality.
There are two reasons why parents sometimes fail to talk to their kids even when they know they have seen pornography. Kids who feel loved and accepted are kids who can make different choices next time. If you could do this over, what do you think you’d do next time?” What are some of the consequences of your decision?”“I’m so disappointed in you! Only bad kids get into stuff like this.”“Help me understand - how did you feel when you decided to do this? How did you feel after?”“What made you think this was okay?”“It is hard to know what to do in situations like this.
Shaming Language Helpful Behavior-Changing Language“I can’t believe you did this!”“I’m sorry you were faced with this. How can you tell the difference between labeling a child and labeling their behavior? Here’s what that might sound like: In order to help kids get past the shame and talk to us freely, we can speak in ways that help them know they are unconditionally loved no matter what choices they make. Most kids will automatically feel some sort of shame about watching something that is inappropriate. And hiding keeps kids from getting the help they need. Why? Because over time, they will eventually see themselves as a bad kid instead of a good kid who made a bad choice. I used to think that if I made my kids feel badly enough about their mistakes, they would stop! Now I know that saying shaming things like, “I can’t believe you would do this!” could be as harmful as whatever they were doing in the first place.
Guess why they are on the list? Because they are natural reactions that so many parents have expressed! If you’ve ever had some of these responses, just let your kids know you have learned more now and would like a re-do. Here are six things not to do when you find out your child is using porn.ĭon’t feel sad if you have made some of these mistakes. Big mistakes parents make when their child is watching porn From my husband’s experience, we learned that communication is key, shame is detrimental, and boundaries are essential. We need different tools to protect our children now, but one thing has not changed-the importance of the relationship between parent and child. My husband fell into the porn trap through magazines and grainy videos, while kids today only have to take out the device in their pockets to access pornographic content.